One Day

I will wear only bathrobes and ride only horses.
I will be Lord of the Hummingbirds.
I will learn to fly short distances and make a lot of money delivering pizza.
I will name my first child Maximum, and my second child Wilbur.
I will fold all my laundry...with my mind.
While everyone is asleep, I will merge Myspace and Facebook and call it FaceSpace.
I will grow my hair long and shave a hammer into my chest hair.
I will hump every dog that humps me.
I will rollerblade down Broadway wearing only cellophane and a blue tarpaulin cape.
I will eat only applesauce and drink only absynthe.
I will wear a thong on the outside of my tux.
While everyone is asleep, I will outlaw the phrase, 'been there, done that.'
I will make banality a crime.

Children will bathe without being asked to.
Women will come with an instruction manual.
Alarms will go off when no one laughs at your jokes.
Anonymous public flatulence will be punishable by flogging (come on, just own up to it).
A college degree will be necessary to get into college.
Convicted frotteurs will become astronautical janitors.
Penitentiaries will become even more dehumanizing with the invention of 'see-through' concrete.
Jell-O will only be available in one color...black.

One day I will defeat the internet.