War Dinos vs. Death Robots

Our fearless leader, George W. Bush, has announced that he fully supports the delivery of 80 tons of highly enriched uranium from Russia to Iran. The reason? Because, "now the [eye]ranians don't have to learn how to enrich uranium themselves."

No shit!

I was wondering who was going to teach them how to manufacture weapons of mass destruction out of poor-grade uranium. Now we don't even have to worry about that.

Of course, George Bush trusts that Iran will (team player that they are) use the weapons-grade uranium solely for civilian reactors.

Right.

Nothing like upping the ante from providing guns to sanctioning the delivery of a radioactive death-rock.

Isn't it obvious that the Bush administration is attempting to make the enemy stronger so that our eventual victory will be all the more glorious? You may have guessed it already, but I'm going to share a national secret with you.

Voltron is real.

And it's piloted by the Wu-Tang Clan.

Proof of the Myth

No one can handle Joel.

Vote for Joel and watch him destroy everything in his path:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3ZNKLrmC8g

Mythic.

Someone Put Mescaline In My Coffee

Charles Bukowski has the word
DEMOCRACY
printed on his forehead.

Damn you.

He beckons forth and I
walk through his poem.
His words taste like stale cheese.

The world then presents
an act of acumenical jest.

It did not meow.
It roared.

A flaming lion
galloping down a
frosted hillside.

Charles wields his
ruby hilt and unsheathes
a 90-foot dagger.

"Pussy!" he screams.

The Truth Is What's Terrifying (duh)

I'm being chased by a judge
in flowing obsidian robes
his gavel is a horse's skull
filled with lead on the end of a long
iron pole and he is so totally gaslighted

he's pounding smurfs back into the ground
as fast as they pop up
in preparations for what
he's going to do to me

he's out for blood
my blood
because I stole his biscuits

these oboes are too hoarse
I can hear naught but their chagrin

and now for some reason I have no legs

From a Christian Message Board in Kansas

Hallejuejah! Boys in hot pants at the Methodist Church!

Welcome to Liberal Christianity 101.

Anuslove;

Kansas.

I've Really Been Into Oops Lately

we've all seen it.

you've been driving me crazy
you've been erasing my existence slowly
painfully
with your bad timing
and your oops.

he's managed somehow
and I'm not sure how
to encapsulate
all of the oops
of an entire generation
in one concentrated dose
one phenomenally bad decision
to wear a navy blue
waffle-weave henley
tucked securely into
too short jean shorts
accented with a braided leather belt
and Tevas.

Could you be anymore of a Dad if you tried?

she's been smelling strongly
of chocolate
of late
and invading personal space
like it's her mission in life
she douches with oops
and shampoos with oops.

Amenorrhea. Oops.

they've been tearing shit up
lately
leaving Cheetos
on the sidewalk,
the flamin' hot
anal leakage flavor
that crunches underfoot
in front of the bus stop
and on the library walls
that screams "I am neglected
and I want attention but
if you give it to me
I will cover you in a sticky
residue of oops
that won't come off
in the shower."

Have you heard the new oops track?

It's fucking stellar.

Lengthy Delays (in the CalArts hallway)

Imagine all the people
Listening to a rousing
Mistake.

An unfortunate tune
A misbegotten melody
A big fucking OOPS.

Like having sex with Vanessa Carlton
And then hearing her music
In the morning.

Your bad.

A soggy syncopated song,
A detrimentally dull ditty,
Does not do it for Daddy.

No way, chum.

Really, your retarded rhythm
Leaves me gasping for good clean air.

Good God, man, your song sucks.

You do not get points for trying.
In fact, you lose points for trying.

Your mana has bottomed out, broheim.
Give it up.

Go back to Vanessa.